september entry.

another of many entries

-a thought-

I was at party not that long ago, and someone I know socially (a man) that I wouldn’t really call a friend made a comment towards me. he said, or rather, he made a comment saying that my upper arms were big and then proceeded to end with the almighty “but you still look good.” Immediately my response was “I know [I look good]” and he replied back in a little astonishment, “won’t you say thank you?” to which I laughed in actual disbelief and wonder.

to be honest I had not received a backhanded comment in a very very very long time that I kept asking myself why he was expecting a thank you from me for first of all, telling me something I already know and secondly, saying it in a manner that had the intention of putting me down so that I could look to him to say something that would boost my confidence … huh? I can’t even type this shit because the entire encounter was just hilarious to me.

but on a serious note I was thinking about this because I wanted to understand the psych behind it. apparently, some research studies say that people, like this man, who give backhanded compliments have extreme image-control issues (meaning they always want to control how they're perceived by others) that is a breeding ground for ulterior motives. they also say that it is a tactic used to exercise or gain some sort of status in social gatherings. I won’t say my opinion about this, but for now I agree.

I can’t say for sure if this man exactly behaves this way, but controlling could be used to describe some of my encounters with him. so, I will say there are similarities.

well, in conclusion, dear God please whenever I run into people like this limit the interactions to a quick hi and bye with no form of stop and chat, AMEN.

source: Sezer, Ovul, Alison Wood Brooks, and Michael I. Norton. "Backhanded Compliments: How Negative Comparisons Undermine Flattery."Harvard Business School Working Paper, No. 18-082, February 2018.

-photos-

self portraits with beaded necklaces

melted on Sunday

nuit blanche 2026

product shots for sacredhearts&lies

la nature!

bathroom pics

-a thought-

hello, happy new week. I know, I am corny as hell. Mais c’est pas mal. I was deep in thought this weekend, as I seldom are, and realized the only way this segment I have would work was if I uploaded something every week or even every day. I mean could I do that?

on average I get about 10 different thoughts a day that I stop myself from pursuing. however, I would like to change that. so, I was thinking what if I wrote down and explored every thought I ever I had in a day, on this segment? just picture it, I get a thought and, because I take my laptop with me everywhere, I pull it out and start typing. it sounds so fictional I love it.

recently my thoughts have been occupied with what could be possible reasons to why I talk myself out of doing a lot of things. this past weekend I almost did not attend a bird summit event, because I nearly talked myself out of it, and the thing is while I was there I just kept thinking about how grateful I was for not listening to myself. so, when I think to what could have really made me this way, there is definitely one scenario that stands out.

I remember a very ill-intended chat I had with someone, during my one of formative years, who told me I needed to say things in my head before I spoke because apparently I always expressed myself bluntly. I am not sure what my thoughts were like before that conversation, but I definitely remember being cautious as well as self-conscious of the way I expressed myself after that.

could that be the reason, could that be my why or am I reaching. either ways that’s what i’ve been trying to uncover lately.

-pictures-

an outfit.