entry no. 10, "the things I have loved noticing."
WELCOME TO THE 10TH ENTRY OF E.T.C.I.G. WHERE I EXPOSE MYSELF, FRANCISCA THE CALLOUS IGBO GIRL.
Two Sundays ago, while listening to the homily being delivered by the most precious reverend father who resides at the Mary mother of the church parish, I observed something very wholesome… that made me feel so warm inside, -just like a hug would.- It immediately compelled me to take my time and carefully write out the things that have being bringing me joy lately -even joy as little as a mustard seed- because they have been quite shocking to me in all honesty. However, do not assume my use of the word “little” means unfulfilling because on the contrary these little sparks of joy are part the most fulfilling “things” I have felt recently.
So I have made a list, and it goes like this:
THE LIST
I have loved noticing this particular lady in the church choir who matches her daughters’ braids to the style of braids she currently has on. I agree I succumbed to the nostalgia that made me associate this observation with assuming the family must originally be from Nigeria.
I have loved noticing how on my recent walks, accompanied by my sister, I get overly excited seeing all the native flowers still in bloom and, my sister couldn’t even care less. It’s like her lack of interest in the matter validates my over-excitement, which in return makes me unbelievably happy that you would think I just got everything I wanted in life. It happened recently and I could not stop smiling to myself, thinking about it now I almost feel guilty for feeling as happy as I did🤭.
I have loved noticing, through the presence of mushrooms at the backyard lawn of my boring apartment complex and the extended blooming of flowers all over the city, that the weather this summer might actually be the best I have experienced since I moved to this city.
I have loved noticing that I am indeed not the reason for my shortcomings. My parents are definitely the ones to blame for those which I lack. I hope to be expanding on this my future E.T.C.I.G. entries, it seems to be the time for me to speak more on them [my shortcomings].
I have really loved noticing the different family dynamics we all possess and live in. Observing my friends when around their family members -which happens subconsciously these days- I sit in awe and I think damn, my parents really could have acted better, haha.
Last, but definitely not the least, I have really loved noticing, plus witnessing, my little sister’s girlhood. I love being a big sister because of this. Watching her grow into a teenager with the same girlfriends she has had since nursery school seems to be healing the part me that longed to experience a life like hers. I am so happy for her.
I have noticed, [and this should not even be news], that among us human beings, it is more common for complaints to easily fly out of our lips than it is for said lips to utter words of appreciation, and its cohabitants. I am extremely aware of this because of a “certain sibling” who I just realized uses complaints as her own form of conversation starters.
It is also really easy to be unintentionally influenced by outside thoughts not coming from inside you, which is why I believe consciously thinking about these things I have loved noticing, may just be the coping mechanism I never knew I needed. I hope to keep it up and, maybe you can start it too.
fce💋.