entry no. 8, "am I a fraud?"
A POKE AT FIRST IMPRESSIONS
welcome to the 8th entry of exposing the callous igbo girl, where i expose my thoughts.
Well of course i’m not a fraud, but what if I might have been or might be?
While debating whether this was worth something to write about, I brought it up in conversation with one my friends the other day and almost immediately my issue with first impressions became more clear to me. So I ask you, ”have you ever thought of first impressions being fraudulent and misleading? If you have, how often are you aware of it?” Just like the people that wear their hearts on their sleeves, how often do carry this thought at the back of your mind when you leave the privacy of your home with the intent to meet new people?
By definition, according to the Larousse French dictionary, “un imposteur c’est une personne qui trompe par des fausses apparences, qui se fait passer pour quelqu’un d’autre,” and I strongly believe (almost) that, as human beings who are more often self absorbed with the events of our lives, we forget to be aware of the unintended & intended fraudulence that could accompany the notion of having “a first impression” of someone we meet for the first time. I mean think about it, are you more aware that people out there are intentionally deceiving you with their looks or are you only aware that people use their looks to express who they really are?
For example, in my secondary school after I got a whole body makeover from puberty, I noticed the unwanted attentions and assumptions that came with it, and as soon as I could I adopted an alternative way of dressing that did its best to hide my curves, so as to ward off all that nonsense (the unwanted attentions and assumptions). A clear message that I was dressing to hide part of who I was -and still am- which is a curvy girl. I didn't want any person perceiving me to see me as a very wrong generalized stereotype of a curvy girl, so I dressed differently to give the impression that I was different from the rest (the other curvy girls). But what a fucked up way to live!
While doing my research on first impressions, I came across an article by the decision lab where something called “first impression bias” is mentioned and described as, “a limitation in human information processing that causes us to make quick and incomplete observations about others based on the first piece of information we perceive.” This was interesting to me because I never fully thought about it like that until I started writing this post, whether it be a “good” or “bad” observation, in a way it's still a very incomplete one and can be coated in so much pretence. I mean the whole thing is just flabbergasting.
Which brings me to the next point I would like to address, and that is: “judging people based on your first impression of them.” Less in the sense of giving people the benefit of the doubt, but more in the sense of not judging people I come across based on my first impression of them because everyone is never who they truly seem to be, and the devil does indeed wear Prada, lol. That is my issue with first impressions.
Circling back to the example of me trying to conceal my curviness with a change of style, I would like you to now keep in mind that there are situations where first impressions can be used for more malicious intents, than innocently trying to hide my curves. So, one really must keep in mind that not everyone who appears to dress in appealingly is someone you should consider of good character, especially after just meeting them for the first time. It has been very obvious in the society we live in that evil people are usually the best dressed, hiding who they truly are behind their nice possessions. Having had my own share of meeting such people, it also turns out that you don't have to be really high up on the social ladder to harbour such malicious ideas, lol, I am extremely aware of this. “They dress in their nicest clothes, but are truly just the worst human beings a person could associate themselves with.” Which really is not a new phenomenon honestly, if you think about it, because how else are the “bad guys” able to disguise themselve? So, how come majority of us are not really constantly aware of it?
Alors, in conclusion🙂🙂, my main aim of writing this post is to actually make you aware of this “intended” and “unintended” fraudulence I mentioned, that sometimes accompanies first impressions, and you (reader) might have experienced it. I believe the saying “first impression matters” should only apply when you are required to, like in the capitalist workspace, -which I do not subscribe to- something they call “eye-service” back home in Nigeria when it's overdone, but that's just me talking. However, when it comes to real life situations where you have to use your “koro-koro eyes” to watch out for yourself, first impressions should not be your main judge of character, because you may never know who is intentionally using that “first impression” to deceive you, and we need to be very aware of them, but then again it’s just me talking.
***fce💋
Definitions
“koro-koro eyes” means, to see clearly, to witness something personally.
“eye-service” according to peegin.com means the act of acting with the intent of people noticing your actions.