entry no. 3, no love allowed

welcome to the 3rd entry of EXPOSING THE CALLOUS IGBO GIRL, where I expose myself, the callous Igbo girl.

Since I grew up as a Christian « catholic Christian », in my teenage years and up until my early 20s I used to think sex was special. I used to hold it so high above most things that involved being in a relationship with someone, I even believed that when two people finally have sex their souls will be connected forever. What a load of bullshit. I’m definitely still in my early 20s, I just hit 22, and reflecting back I think I wanted to believe those things I heard and continuously said to myself, but I didn’t actually believe them. I remember being on my own for the first time, that is without parental guidance, and watching all the romantic comedy movies a teenage girl would find interesting, I created scenarios in my head of me imitating the corny shit the main characters did and said to each other and I would immediately feel physically nauseous and throw a bit in my mouth🤮. i’ve witnessed a lot people say not wanting to do or say corny stuff to your partner is caused by pride, but honestly in some cases it’s not and generalizing that whole stuff is just bullshit. it could also to be attributed to the way the person was brought up as a child; did they hear older people around them say those things?, did they watch enough movies that would plant those words or feelings in their minds?; just to mention a few. to say that these feelings that occur when you're in love with someone comes naturally to me would be an overstatement, a BIG FAT LIE. not even all the movies in this world can undo most of who I naturally am and who I was nurtured to become, I mean I can pretend, and also try to mimic the behaviours i’ve seen in movies and tv shows, but deep down I know I will get exhausted, say FUCK IT, be my weird-self, and hope for the best.